Jenny who?

IM 30, NOW WHAT.

No, seriously, now what???

I want to start of by apologizing.

I’m sorry 18 year old Jenny, I have let you down.

I remember how excited you were at your high school graduation.

You had your whole future before you and you had a PLAN. Which reminds me of my favorite saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." (What a nice God by the way...)

So maybe I should stop making them and see what happens because the planning thing has not worked out so well. I am 31 years old and all my well made plans, well, have made other plans...

After graduating high school, I entered UC Santa Barbara as a biology major, and was promptly removed from the department after my first year.

Okay...so I wasn’t going to be a veterinarian...they don’t make that much anyway, and I am going to make money with my big fat Bachelor of Arts degree. Or so I thought. I am pretty sure at 18 I thought I would be rich. Why does every kid in high school think this?

I’m actually an attorney. But still not rich. I’m not exactly sure how it happened. I sure in hell did not plan for this. It’s a blur really, something about 4 years of working full time and studying part time. When all of my friends were enjoying their mid 20s, I was either taking exams and/or crying, attending lectures or studying...that time will be referred to as the most boring period in my life.

The 18 year old Jenny thought everything would have fallen into place by 30. It has not. I even gave myself an extra year, 31, still not quite what I expected.

The 18 year old Jenny thought I would be driving an expensive car. I am now on my third Honda. The 18 year old Jenny also thought she would live somewhere cool...I live in Antelope, California. Cool is over there somewhere.

I did not see myself having children when I was 18, and so far I have not let my 18 year old self down in that department, although 28 year old Jenny is not thrilled with this.

But what I can tell 18 year old Jenny, is that she ends up marrying Tony. Tony tells you 5 years later at a wedding, you know the one, where you were the bridesmaid with the black eye...that he always thought you were cute. Good thing you never knew that in high school, because if you had known, you would have made man-getting-plans and you most likely would have f*cked that up!

So what it comes down to is that sometimes I feel like I am having a third life crisis of sorts...Not sure what my point here on earth is. But I am all for figuring it out!