Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Happy 2010!

Men! This is the topic I’ve been dreading to bring up, but I know the stories of dating, hooking up, and relationships are what intrigue people. So, here I go…

Yeah right! Like I’m going to discuss the juicy details of my private life There are some things I keep private. I’ll say this: I’m trying to get over an incident that happened with this guy a few months ago. Maybe against my better judgment, after a month of no contact, I have allowed him back into my life. Honestly, the positives outweigh the negatives. He is fun, affectionate; he is a good conversationalist; he is intelligent, and the chemistry esta muy caliente! Despite these positive attributes, I am grounded in reality and well aware what to expect from this man.

Because of my choice, it has been difficult to trust him. I began asking him dumb questions. I felt like I was becoming that type of weak girl I can’t stand or respect…. an insecure one. Sure, I have really weak moments, but in general, I am a confident person. He knows this. To mitigate the damage, he says and does things to make me “feel better,” which surprises me. He is actually doing good work. However, this is only half the battle. I have to work on myself as well. I am learning to not sweat the small stuff.

I know what I have to do: continue living my life; leave the past in the past; not worry about what may happen; not question him all the time. I can only control myself and my actions. Although I know all of this, I don’t know how exactly the steps, or the process, to achieve this mindset and keep true to it…all the time. So, I called up my good friend, Jenny. I recited all of the above to her and asked, “How do I do it?” She said, “Fuck it.” Simple and to the point.

She is so right. All I can do to get over the past is to acknowledge the incident and keep my ass moving forward. I am happy and at peace and will not continuously worry, with or without him. So fuck it. I’m choosing to put my energy into the positives so I remain happy and know that really...he is not going to be around forever.


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