Fa la la la laaaaa

Christmas is on what day again?

Is it me or has the "spirit" of Christmas vaporized? Maybe I am too old for Christmas.

Maybe I am Scrooging early in life because I don't ever honestly remember believing in Santa Claus, so I am like the equivalent of a 80 year old bachelor.

Here is my disclaimer. Neither, myself or husband have kids, together or otherwise, so I can imagine that those with children probably have a whole different take on the season, at least it appears that way on Facebook. Now don't get me wrong, I think if I had a kid, I would not be writing this blog entry as you are about to read it. It would probably read something like, "Oh Santa! I believe! something, something, something, Christmas Rocks!"

I think Christmas started becoming a chore once my Christmas shopping list started onto a second column and my paycheck just laughed. Never mind the financial dent Christmas makes but then there is the time spent trying to find the perfect gift. Then, after all of the stress of finding a suitable gift, it sometimes ends in the awkward moment when you realized you didn't quite find it.

I love to give, I really do but its not like the people on my list were people who were in need or would be getting just my gift for Christmas. I was just one of many people who would be contributing to their Christmas loot. The big gift exchange also started becoming less interesting and more like:

Q: "What do you want?
A: "Oh nothing...or a new skillet, and here is the store and product number."
To which I replied, "Cool." Because this made my life easier.

Why was I even wrapping it? What fun is that?

Tony and I don't exchange gifts, and haven't for the last eight Christmas' we've shared. I found my Christmas soul mate when I suggested for the first time that we give ourselves a Christmas break and not add each other to our respective lists and he breathed a sigh of relief and said something to the effect of "hell, yeah." In fact for the last three years we have bowed out of the whole gift giving hooplah with our families. I think our families appreciate taking two people off their lists. Or so I hope. I really can't see anyone saying, "BUT, I NEED TO BUY MORE GIFTS!"

What is sad is that for the first time I find myself not finding joy in things I used to really enjoy about Christmas. In the past I loved the whole tree thing (even without the prettily wrapped presents underneath), I loved the ornaments, the decorations, the cheesey holiday music, I really dug the Christmas vibe, minus the commercialism. I have no idea what happened, I have no tree this year, I haven't even played Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin (my Christmas music).

I will take the day off to enjoy my family. But I didn't need Christmas for that.

Maybe there is hope for me yet. I do love holiday cards. I am a huge fan. I love seeing all your kids mugging for the camera, your cats and dogs wearing ridiculous sweaters, and for those who write a personal message, you seriously make my day. I shit you not, I drive home looking forward to checking the mail in December in hopes of finding one of these gems. So there. The idea of Christmas is not totally lost on me. Turning 30 just seemed to make me forget where I put the holiday spirit, old age I guess...

Okay, besides cards, I do enjoy a good reindeer sweater and a sincere hug.

J

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Wrinkles and moles. Adult acne? Signs of aging. I know I look young for my age, mainly from the gasps of surprise (or horror) when I tell a person my age. Some reactions are hilarious.

It is not funny when I push my face up to a mirror and scour over every millimeter of my face to assess the changes, aka “damage.” Although I do not have too many wrinkles, I am noticing the faint line indentations around my mouth from smiling and laughing, which I guess is a good thing. A sign of happiness!

Little moles or sun spots are appearing. Its probably from me loving to be out in the sun, especially in SoCal. Can’t help it! The weather is PERFECT and the beaches are amazing.

Zits. I have no clue why the hell I am getting so many zits. My face never used to erupt like this. It may be due to some stress, but the reason is most likely that my hormones are in changing. I swear they come like clockwork right before my monthly “call for duty.” As if that is not bad enough.

So… A friend of mine gave me some samples of Retin-A, which I keep hearing good things about from other women. She warned me that it will really dry my face out. Did I listen? Not really. I smeared the stuff around my eyes, on my little moles, and a zit. Now, my face is super dry, peeling, and some more little zits have sprouted. I made it worse. When I later spoke to my friend about it, she confessed that Retin-A makes your skin worse before making it better, because it draws all the impurities up. Wonderful. What am I doing? Women of my ethnicity have never used Retin-A, and look at them. That Filipino girl you think is 19 years old, she’s really 45. I should just stick to what I know: soap, water, and a light face lotion.

Learning how to age gracefully… hit and miss (mess?) situations that keep me grounded.

K