Crying. Not used to it. It sucks.
K
Friday, January 8, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Happy 2010!
Men! This is the topic I’ve been dreading to bring up, but I know the stories of dating, hooking up, and relationships are what intrigue people. So, here I go…
Yeah right! Like I’m going to discuss the juicy details of my private life There are some things I keep private. I’ll say this: I’m trying to get over an incident that happened with this guy a few months ago. Maybe against my better judgment, after a month of no contact, I have allowed him back into my life. Honestly, the positives outweigh the negatives. He is fun, affectionate; he is a good conversationalist; he is intelligent, and the chemistry esta muy caliente! Despite these positive attributes, I am grounded in reality and well aware what to expect from this man.
Because of my choice, it has been difficult to trust him. I began asking him dumb questions. I felt like I was becoming that type of weak girl I can’t stand or respect…. an insecure one. Sure, I have really weak moments, but in general, I am a confident person. He knows this. To mitigate the damage, he says and does things to make me “feel better,” which surprises me. He is actually doing good work. However, this is only half the battle. I have to work on myself as well. I am learning to not sweat the small stuff.
I know what I have to do: continue living my life; leave the past in the past; not worry about what may happen; not question him all the time. I can only control myself and my actions. Although I know all of this, I don’t know how exactly the steps, or the process, to achieve this mindset and keep true to it…all the time. So, I called up my good friend, Jenny. I recited all of the above to her and asked, “How do I do it?” She said, “Fuck it.” Simple and to the point.
She is so right. All I can do to get over the past is to acknowledge the incident and keep my ass moving forward. I am happy and at peace and will not continuously worry, with or without him. So fuck it. I’m choosing to put my energy into the positives so I remain happy and know that really...he is not going to be around forever.
K
Yeah right! Like I’m going to discuss the juicy details of my private life There are some things I keep private. I’ll say this: I’m trying to get over an incident that happened with this guy a few months ago. Maybe against my better judgment, after a month of no contact, I have allowed him back into my life. Honestly, the positives outweigh the negatives. He is fun, affectionate; he is a good conversationalist; he is intelligent, and the chemistry esta muy caliente! Despite these positive attributes, I am grounded in reality and well aware what to expect from this man.
Because of my choice, it has been difficult to trust him. I began asking him dumb questions. I felt like I was becoming that type of weak girl I can’t stand or respect…. an insecure one. Sure, I have really weak moments, but in general, I am a confident person. He knows this. To mitigate the damage, he says and does things to make me “feel better,” which surprises me. He is actually doing good work. However, this is only half the battle. I have to work on myself as well. I am learning to not sweat the small stuff.
I know what I have to do: continue living my life; leave the past in the past; not worry about what may happen; not question him all the time. I can only control myself and my actions. Although I know all of this, I don’t know how exactly the steps, or the process, to achieve this mindset and keep true to it…all the time. So, I called up my good friend, Jenny. I recited all of the above to her and asked, “How do I do it?” She said, “Fuck it.” Simple and to the point.
She is so right. All I can do to get over the past is to acknowledge the incident and keep my ass moving forward. I am happy and at peace and will not continuously worry, with or without him. So fuck it. I’m choosing to put my energy into the positives so I remain happy and know that really...he is not going to be around forever.
K
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Fa la la la laaaaa
Christmas is on what day again?
Is it me or has the "spirit" of Christmas vaporized? Maybe I am too old for Christmas.
Maybe I am Scrooging early in life because I don't ever honestly remember believing in Santa Claus, so I am like the equivalent of a 80 year old bachelor.
Here is my disclaimer. Neither, myself or husband have kids, together or otherwise, so I can imagine that those with children probably have a whole different take on the season, at least it appears that way on Facebook. Now don't get me wrong, I think if I had a kid, I would not be writing this blog entry as you are about to read it. It would probably read something like, "Oh Santa! I believe! something, something, something, Christmas Rocks!"
I think Christmas started becoming a chore once my Christmas shopping list started onto a second column and my paycheck just laughed. Never mind the financial dent Christmas makes but then there is the time spent trying to find the perfect gift. Then, after all of the stress of finding a suitable gift, it sometimes ends in the awkward moment when you realized you didn't quite find it.
I love to give, I really do but its not like the people on my list were people who were in need or would be getting just my gift for Christmas. I was just one of many people who would be contributing to their Christmas loot. The big gift exchange also started becoming less interesting and more like:
Q: "What do you want?
A: "Oh nothing...or a new skillet, and here is the store and product number."
To which I replied, "Cool." Because this made my life easier.
Why was I even wrapping it? What fun is that?
Tony and I don't exchange gifts, and haven't for the last eight Christmas' we've shared. I found my Christmas soul mate when I suggested for the first time that we give ourselves a Christmas break and not add each other to our respective lists and he breathed a sigh of relief and said something to the effect of "hell, yeah." In fact for the last three years we have bowed out of the whole gift giving hooplah with our families. I think our families appreciate taking two people off their lists. Or so I hope. I really can't see anyone saying, "BUT, I NEED TO BUY MORE GIFTS!"
What is sad is that for the first time I find myself not finding joy in things I used to really enjoy about Christmas. In the past I loved the whole tree thing (even without the prettily wrapped presents underneath), I loved the ornaments, the decorations, the cheesey holiday music, I really dug the Christmas vibe, minus the commercialism. I have no idea what happened, I have no tree this year, I haven't even played Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin (my Christmas music).
I will take the day off to enjoy my family. But I didn't need Christmas for that.
Maybe there is hope for me yet. I do love holiday cards. I am a huge fan. I love seeing all your kids mugging for the camera, your cats and dogs wearing ridiculous sweaters, and for those who write a personal message, you seriously make my day. I shit you not, I drive home looking forward to checking the mail in December in hopes of finding one of these gems. So there. The idea of Christmas is not totally lost on me. Turning 30 just seemed to make me forget where I put the holiday spirit, old age I guess...
Okay, besides cards, I do enjoy a good reindeer sweater and a sincere hug.
J
Is it me or has the "spirit" of Christmas vaporized? Maybe I am too old for Christmas.
Maybe I am Scrooging early in life because I don't ever honestly remember believing in Santa Claus, so I am like the equivalent of a 80 year old bachelor.
Here is my disclaimer. Neither, myself or husband have kids, together or otherwise, so I can imagine that those with children probably have a whole different take on the season, at least it appears that way on Facebook. Now don't get me wrong, I think if I had a kid, I would not be writing this blog entry as you are about to read it. It would probably read something like, "Oh Santa! I believe! something, something, something, Christmas Rocks!"
I think Christmas started becoming a chore once my Christmas shopping list started onto a second column and my paycheck just laughed. Never mind the financial dent Christmas makes but then there is the time spent trying to find the perfect gift. Then, after all of the stress of finding a suitable gift, it sometimes ends in the awkward moment when you realized you didn't quite find it.
I love to give, I really do but its not like the people on my list were people who were in need or would be getting just my gift for Christmas. I was just one of many people who would be contributing to their Christmas loot. The big gift exchange also started becoming less interesting and more like:
Q: "What do you want?
A: "Oh nothing...or a new skillet, and here is the store and product number."
To which I replied, "Cool." Because this made my life easier.
Why was I even wrapping it? What fun is that?
Tony and I don't exchange gifts, and haven't for the last eight Christmas' we've shared. I found my Christmas soul mate when I suggested for the first time that we give ourselves a Christmas break and not add each other to our respective lists and he breathed a sigh of relief and said something to the effect of "hell, yeah." In fact for the last three years we have bowed out of the whole gift giving hooplah with our families. I think our families appreciate taking two people off their lists. Or so I hope. I really can't see anyone saying, "BUT, I NEED TO BUY MORE GIFTS!"
What is sad is that for the first time I find myself not finding joy in things I used to really enjoy about Christmas. In the past I loved the whole tree thing (even without the prettily wrapped presents underneath), I loved the ornaments, the decorations, the cheesey holiday music, I really dug the Christmas vibe, minus the commercialism. I have no idea what happened, I have no tree this year, I haven't even played Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin (my Christmas music).
I will take the day off to enjoy my family. But I didn't need Christmas for that.
Maybe there is hope for me yet. I do love holiday cards. I am a huge fan. I love seeing all your kids mugging for the camera, your cats and dogs wearing ridiculous sweaters, and for those who write a personal message, you seriously make my day. I shit you not, I drive home looking forward to checking the mail in December in hopes of finding one of these gems. So there. The idea of Christmas is not totally lost on me. Turning 30 just seemed to make me forget where I put the holiday spirit, old age I guess...
Okay, besides cards, I do enjoy a good reindeer sweater and a sincere hug.
J
Friday, December 11, 2009
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
Wrinkles and moles. Adult acne? Signs of aging. I know I look young for my age, mainly from the gasps of surprise (or horror) when I tell a person my age. Some reactions are hilarious.
It is not funny when I push my face up to a mirror and scour over every millimeter of my face to assess the changes, aka “damage.” Although I do not have too many wrinkles, I am noticing the faint line indentations around my mouth from smiling and laughing, which I guess is a good thing. A sign of happiness!
Little moles or sun spots are appearing. Its probably from me loving to be out in the sun, especially in SoCal. Can’t help it! The weather is PERFECT and the beaches are amazing.
Zits. I have no clue why the hell I am getting so many zits. My face never used to erupt like this. It may be due to some stress, but the reason is most likely that my hormones are in changing. I swear they come like clockwork right before my monthly “call for duty.” As if that is not bad enough.
So… A friend of mine gave me some samples of Retin-A, which I keep hearing good things about from other women. She warned me that it will really dry my face out. Did I listen? Not really. I smeared the stuff around my eyes, on my little moles, and a zit. Now, my face is super dry, peeling, and some more little zits have sprouted. I made it worse. When I later spoke to my friend about it, she confessed that Retin-A makes your skin worse before making it better, because it draws all the impurities up. Wonderful. What am I doing? Women of my ethnicity have never used Retin-A, and look at them. That Filipino girl you think is 19 years old, she’s really 45. I should just stick to what I know: soap, water, and a light face lotion.
Learning how to age gracefully… hit and miss (mess?) situations that keep me grounded.
K
It is not funny when I push my face up to a mirror and scour over every millimeter of my face to assess the changes, aka “damage.” Although I do not have too many wrinkles, I am noticing the faint line indentations around my mouth from smiling and laughing, which I guess is a good thing. A sign of happiness!
Little moles or sun spots are appearing. Its probably from me loving to be out in the sun, especially in SoCal. Can’t help it! The weather is PERFECT and the beaches are amazing.
Zits. I have no clue why the hell I am getting so many zits. My face never used to erupt like this. It may be due to some stress, but the reason is most likely that my hormones are in changing. I swear they come like clockwork right before my monthly “call for duty.” As if that is not bad enough.
So… A friend of mine gave me some samples of Retin-A, which I keep hearing good things about from other women. She warned me that it will really dry my face out. Did I listen? Not really. I smeared the stuff around my eyes, on my little moles, and a zit. Now, my face is super dry, peeling, and some more little zits have sprouted. I made it worse. When I later spoke to my friend about it, she confessed that Retin-A makes your skin worse before making it better, because it draws all the impurities up. Wonderful. What am I doing? Women of my ethnicity have never used Retin-A, and look at them. That Filipino girl you think is 19 years old, she’s really 45. I should just stick to what I know: soap, water, and a light face lotion.
Learning how to age gracefully… hit and miss (mess?) situations that keep me grounded.
K
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Gracias
Special time to enjoy family and friends and celebrate love, good health, happiness, spirituality, and inner peace. Extra gratitude to have all of this in my life!
Happy Thanksgiving!
K
Happy Thanksgiving!
K
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
A voice of reason
I have been reconsidering the focus of my MBA program. I was recently sitting in an Intro to Human Resources (my current focus) class when I thought that I may be doing the wrong thing. The lecture topics are not interesting to me. I am not excited about going to this class (other than meeting with my groupmates). I just do not feel challenged. Am I limiting myself by concentrating to an industry that consists of a small community? Am I focusing in one very specific area? YES and YES.
Earlier this week, I met with a student advisor (who I have met with before) about my aforementioned thoughts. A clear direction was not defined during this meeting. I had a ton of questions and I was given standardized, vague answers for each. Uhhh…really? Is this part of the “all inclusive service” for which I am taking out a shit ton of loans? I was pretty disappointed and unsatisfied afterwards. Then I met with a professor about an assignment.
This meeting turned into the best MBA coaching session ever. The Prof laid it out for me and strongly advised I change my major. He emphasized my potential, high marketability, and value to a company because I will be able to manage on many different levels, giving me more opportunity.
I unexpectedly voiced my fears to the Prof. I have no substantial experience in the areas of finance and marketing and that it is going to take a lot of hard work. He helped me realize that’s the beauty of going back to school. I am in control of learning what I want. He also reinforced that I have to work hard to get what I want, which goes for anything in life.
I needed the definitive push from someone knowledgeable to realize my thoughts are on the right track. Sometimes it takes a “voice of reason” to solidify an instinct.
K
Earlier this week, I met with a student advisor (who I have met with before) about my aforementioned thoughts. A clear direction was not defined during this meeting. I had a ton of questions and I was given standardized, vague answers for each. Uhhh…really? Is this part of the “all inclusive service” for which I am taking out a shit ton of loans? I was pretty disappointed and unsatisfied afterwards. Then I met with a professor about an assignment.
This meeting turned into the best MBA coaching session ever. The Prof laid it out for me and strongly advised I change my major. He emphasized my potential, high marketability, and value to a company because I will be able to manage on many different levels, giving me more opportunity.
I unexpectedly voiced my fears to the Prof. I have no substantial experience in the areas of finance and marketing and that it is going to take a lot of hard work. He helped me realize that’s the beauty of going back to school. I am in control of learning what I want. He also reinforced that I have to work hard to get what I want, which goes for anything in life.
I needed the definitive push from someone knowledgeable to realize my thoughts are on the right track. Sometimes it takes a “voice of reason” to solidify an instinct.
K
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Not so bad after all!
A guy I know of had a job where he went on business trips overseas. During those trips, he occasionally scheduled in a round of golf. One place he has golfed at includes a three star golf course in DR Congo, Africa. At that golf course (name I do not recall), there is a guy whose job is to collect golf balls in the alligator infested lakes. I was told he was paid one Congolese franc (CDF) per ball he collects. YIKES. As of today, $1 CDF equals $0.002986 USD. Not even 1 cent USD. And why am I complaining about my job?
Talk about perspective! I do not like my current job, but at least my ass isn’t wading in dangerous waters to collect worthless golf balls shanked by bad golfers. And even though I do not like my job, here are some truths…
1. I have met some really cool people!
2. I am not going to be at this job forever.
3. It’s only a means to an end.
4. I know how NOT to treat employees, i.e., I am learning a lot about ineffective management styles.
5. My mindless job allows me to reserve energy and brain power for my coursework. Now I have the good grades I strive for.
This list of positives is longer, but I have to stop here and study before I wake up at the crack of dawn for work…
K
Talk about perspective! I do not like my current job, but at least my ass isn’t wading in dangerous waters to collect worthless golf balls shanked by bad golfers. And even though I do not like my job, here are some truths…
1. I have met some really cool people!
2. I am not going to be at this job forever.
3. It’s only a means to an end.
4. I know how NOT to treat employees, i.e., I am learning a lot about ineffective management styles.
5. My mindless job allows me to reserve energy and brain power for my coursework. Now I have the good grades I strive for.
This list of positives is longer, but I have to stop here and study before I wake up at the crack of dawn for work…
K
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