Fa la la la laaaaa

Christmas is on what day again?

Is it me or has the "spirit" of Christmas vaporized? Maybe I am too old for Christmas.

Maybe I am Scrooging early in life because I don't ever honestly remember believing in Santa Claus, so I am like the equivalent of a 80 year old bachelor.

Here is my disclaimer. Neither, myself or husband have kids, together or otherwise, so I can imagine that those with children probably have a whole different take on the season, at least it appears that way on Facebook. Now don't get me wrong, I think if I had a kid, I would not be writing this blog entry as you are about to read it. It would probably read something like, "Oh Santa! I believe! something, something, something, Christmas Rocks!"

I think Christmas started becoming a chore once my Christmas shopping list started onto a second column and my paycheck just laughed. Never mind the financial dent Christmas makes but then there is the time spent trying to find the perfect gift. Then, after all of the stress of finding a suitable gift, it sometimes ends in the awkward moment when you realized you didn't quite find it.

I love to give, I really do but its not like the people on my list were people who were in need or would be getting just my gift for Christmas. I was just one of many people who would be contributing to their Christmas loot. The big gift exchange also started becoming less interesting and more like:

Q: "What do you want?
A: "Oh nothing...or a new skillet, and here is the store and product number."
To which I replied, "Cool." Because this made my life easier.

Why was I even wrapping it? What fun is that?

Tony and I don't exchange gifts, and haven't for the last eight Christmas' we've shared. I found my Christmas soul mate when I suggested for the first time that we give ourselves a Christmas break and not add each other to our respective lists and he breathed a sigh of relief and said something to the effect of "hell, yeah." In fact for the last three years we have bowed out of the whole gift giving hooplah with our families. I think our families appreciate taking two people off their lists. Or so I hope. I really can't see anyone saying, "BUT, I NEED TO BUY MORE GIFTS!"

What is sad is that for the first time I find myself not finding joy in things I used to really enjoy about Christmas. In the past I loved the whole tree thing (even without the prettily wrapped presents underneath), I loved the ornaments, the decorations, the cheesey holiday music, I really dug the Christmas vibe, minus the commercialism. I have no idea what happened, I have no tree this year, I haven't even played Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin (my Christmas music).

I will take the day off to enjoy my family. But I didn't need Christmas for that.

Maybe there is hope for me yet. I do love holiday cards. I am a huge fan. I love seeing all your kids mugging for the camera, your cats and dogs wearing ridiculous sweaters, and for those who write a personal message, you seriously make my day. I shit you not, I drive home looking forward to checking the mail in December in hopes of finding one of these gems. So there. The idea of Christmas is not totally lost on me. Turning 30 just seemed to make me forget where I put the holiday spirit, old age I guess...

Okay, besides cards, I do enjoy a good reindeer sweater and a sincere hug.

J

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Wrinkles and moles. Adult acne? Signs of aging. I know I look young for my age, mainly from the gasps of surprise (or horror) when I tell a person my age. Some reactions are hilarious.

It is not funny when I push my face up to a mirror and scour over every millimeter of my face to assess the changes, aka “damage.” Although I do not have too many wrinkles, I am noticing the faint line indentations around my mouth from smiling and laughing, which I guess is a good thing. A sign of happiness!

Little moles or sun spots are appearing. Its probably from me loving to be out in the sun, especially in SoCal. Can’t help it! The weather is PERFECT and the beaches are amazing.

Zits. I have no clue why the hell I am getting so many zits. My face never used to erupt like this. It may be due to some stress, but the reason is most likely that my hormones are in changing. I swear they come like clockwork right before my monthly “call for duty.” As if that is not bad enough.

So… A friend of mine gave me some samples of Retin-A, which I keep hearing good things about from other women. She warned me that it will really dry my face out. Did I listen? Not really. I smeared the stuff around my eyes, on my little moles, and a zit. Now, my face is super dry, peeling, and some more little zits have sprouted. I made it worse. When I later spoke to my friend about it, she confessed that Retin-A makes your skin worse before making it better, because it draws all the impurities up. Wonderful. What am I doing? Women of my ethnicity have never used Retin-A, and look at them. That Filipino girl you think is 19 years old, she’s really 45. I should just stick to what I know: soap, water, and a light face lotion.

Learning how to age gracefully… hit and miss (mess?) situations that keep me grounded.

K

Gracias

Special time to enjoy family and friends and celebrate love, good health, happiness, spirituality, and inner peace. Extra gratitude to have all of this in my life!

Happy Thanksgiving!

K

A voice of reason

I have been reconsidering the focus of my MBA program. I was recently sitting in an Intro to Human Resources (my current focus) class when I thought that I may be doing the wrong thing. The lecture topics are not interesting to me. I am not excited about going to this class (other than meeting with my groupmates). I just do not feel challenged. Am I limiting myself by concentrating to an industry that consists of a small community? Am I focusing in one very specific area? YES and YES.

Earlier this week, I met with a student advisor (who I have met with before) about my aforementioned thoughts. A clear direction was not defined during this meeting. I had a ton of questions and I was given standardized, vague answers for each. Uhhh…really? Is this part of the “all inclusive service” for which I am taking out a shit ton of loans? I was pretty disappointed and unsatisfied afterwards. Then I met with a professor about an assignment.

This meeting turned into the best MBA coaching session ever. The Prof laid it out for me and strongly advised I change my major. He emphasized my potential, high marketability, and value to a company because I will be able to manage on many different levels, giving me more opportunity.

I unexpectedly voiced my fears to the Prof. I have no substantial experience in the areas of finance and marketing and that it is going to take a lot of hard work. He helped me realize that’s the beauty of going back to school. I am in control of learning what I want. He also reinforced that I have to work hard to get what I want, which goes for anything in life.

I needed the definitive push from someone knowledgeable to realize my thoughts are on the right track. Sometimes it takes a “voice of reason” to solidify an instinct.

K

Not so bad after all!

A guy I know of had a job where he went on business trips overseas. During those trips, he occasionally scheduled in a round of golf. One place he has golfed at includes a three star golf course in DR Congo, Africa. At that golf course (name I do not recall), there is a guy whose job is to collect golf balls in the alligator infested lakes. I was told he was paid one Congolese franc (CDF) per ball he collects. YIKES. As of today, $1 CDF equals $0.002986 USD. Not even 1 cent USD. And why am I complaining about my job?

Talk about perspective! I do not like my current job, but at least my ass isn’t wading in dangerous waters to collect worthless golf balls shanked by bad golfers. And even though I do not like my job, here are some truths…

1. I have met some really cool people!
2. I am not going to be at this job forever.
3. It’s only a means to an end.
4. I know how NOT to treat employees, i.e., I am learning a lot about ineffective management styles.
5. My mindless job allows me to reserve energy and brain power for my coursework. Now I have the good grades I strive for.

This list of positives is longer, but I have to stop here and study before I wake up at the crack of dawn for work…

K

Sunny Side Ups (J)

I was hanging out with my in laws over the weekend and someone asked me how I was doing. Before I could utter my stock response of "good" my husband interjected "Have you read her blog?" And this was said in a somewhat sarcastic tone. I could not help but wince. Have I made my life sound so tragic?

Granted, I am frustrated with where I am right now professionally and personally but in no way do I want to come off as ungrateful or less than satisfied with my life overall. So let me start this week’s blog with some solid reasons why I am utterly grateful to be me.

1. I have my health. I know that sounds cliche but it is true. I rarely get sick and all of my limbs work. (Knock on wood.)

2. I dig my husband. He is smart, good looking, funny as hell and good natured. He is my favorite.

3. I have potential. I don’t look too bad on paper. I have a JD, I came from a decent college, "Go Gauchos," and I am not afraid of hard work.

4. I have a starter house. Its got more corners than I know what to do with and some awful fixtures and the most horrendous cabinet doors I have ever seen but all-in-all it’s a cute house with tons of potential.

5. My friends are cool. Seriously, I am so impressed with every single friend of mine. I can turn to any one of them for a hearty laugh or a serious dose of wisdom. They are geniuses by the way. I swear all of my friends are 10 times smarter than myself, but that is another topic...

6. Last but not least, my family rocks. Most of the time. Well most of them do.

Now ask me what I was grateful 10 years ago and it probably would have went something like this.

1. $1.50 margarita and free appetizers at El Paseo

2. Clearing $60 in tips.

3. Passing my classes.

4. My fast metabolism. I seriously lived on Bud Light, $4 champagne, pasta and bagels for 4 years.

5. Roommates that paid the rent.

I wonder how my list will change 10 years from now?

J

Sunny Side Ups (K)

Listen… I do not mean to sound like a woe-is-me bitch baby. There is a very bright side to being 30. I have learned lots of things that make the life of a gal in her 30s more interesting. First of all, I have become way more perceptive of people. I think much of this has come from meeting people in the restaurant and bar industry, but more from meeting people by immersing myself in new situations, i.e., new city, grad school programs, new jobs, etc. I have learned to really listen to a person and hone in on his character, not in a judgmental way, but just to get a better understanding of a that person. It’s a fun guessing game I like play. For example, an acquaintance asked me to guess his age. I guessed he was between 22-25 years old. Correct, he is 25. I asked why he wanted me to guess and he replied that there was no reason. I immediately asked him if he liked an older woman. His jaw dropped. It was just something I sensed. It ends up that he is interested in a woman in her early thirties. Weird! In general, I really enjoy meeting new people and hearing of their experiences and learning more about them.

Second, I am learning that planning everything out is not the best mode of operation. I used to plan out every little detail and if things did not work out as planned, I felt stressed. I felt like I did not have control if my expectations were not met. Now, I try to look at situations not imagining the way they will play out, but instead, I tell myself that things will just work out. In April, I remember when my job at the law firm was coming to a close, I was stressing out looking for another job In San Diego. I had it in my head that I wanted to spend one more summer by the beach before committing myself to B-school. I literally woke up one Monday morning and asked myself what the hell am I doing? Wasting time was my answer. I got on the phone and by the end of the week; I was enrolled in the business program beginning summer 2009. The beach will be there for me to return to. I am allowing things to fall into place…sloooowly but surely. Becoming more flexible has been very good for me.

One more thing. On a recent road trip with Jenny, where I was driving, I was pulled over by the CHP. I knew the second I saw the pretty purple and red lights dancing in the rear view mirror that I was getting a speeding ticket. As the officer took my license back to his patrol car, Jenny and I started rationalizing out the situation, which turned into hysterical laughter. Of course, we had missed the 41 freeway that connects the 5 freeway to the 101 because we ignored the voice of the Garmin GPS. We kept looking at the internet directions we wrote down and confused ourselves by having too much information. Of course, I was pulled over by the CHP that I had "luckily" spotted miles before, right before we decided to we turn off to get food & gas. There is no doubt about the consequences. Fine and online traffic school (I hope its that simple). If I were younger and in the same situation, I know would be scared and worrying myself sick about it. Now, I accept it for what it is. I was not paying attention and my dumbass was driving too fast too furious on the way to a bachelorette party in Santa Barbara. Life goes on. There is no point in obsessively worrying about it. Worrying is a part of human nature, possibly a quality prone more to women than men. But, excessive worrying is a waste of energy. I am learning to pull myself out of that frame of mind and focus at what is really important. On this day, it was about having a good time with old college friends. I was not going to let a small setback ruin an amazing weekend.

These are only a few aspects that keep me cool at 30 something. Great sex… this is another blog for another day…maybe. Cheers!